Maybe you haven’t been following along with the drama here in New York City, so let me pour some tea real quick: last week this dude wrote an essay arguing that NYC is Dead Forever, and a bunch of people got mad and posted photos of buskers, like, “See, New York isn’t dead!”
Then today, the very rich and famous Jerry Seinfeld penned his own reply in the Opinion section of The New York Times. TL;DR: “The last thing we need in the thick of so many challenges is some putz on LinkedIn wailing and whimpering, ‘Everyone’s gone! I want 2019 back!’”
You know something is rotten in Denmark when Seinfeld comes to the rescue. “Some putz on LinkedIn” is a sick burn.
I mean, yes, I too got out the soapbox about a month ago and wrote my own essay on the life/death of New York City. TL;DR: “If everyone who could afford to leave NYC actually left, imagine how cool this town would be.”
But I digress. Let’s try and figure this out for a second?
Firstly, it’s pretty cool that New York City could, potentially, perhaps… die.
Chicago? It will just continue to putter along as planes fly overhead. New Orleans? Immortal, genuinely immortal. San Francisco? Great place to visit! Los Angeles? It’s an earthquake in a wildfire and not one of y’all is like, “Oh, Los Angles is dying!” Why? Because these places are just that: places.
New York City is a living, breathing city. Some call it the greatest city in the world. Perhaps more accurately, it’s the only city in the world.
Nowhere else do you find the diversity, the industry, the innovation, and the creativity that you find in New York City. It’s also got the most people for what that’s worth: largest population in the US (and 42nd in the world, btw).
So, now… when we say New York City is dead, what we’re really saying is something longwinded like, “the diversity, the industry, the innovation, and the creativity that is inherent to New York City is leaving or gone and thus New York City has ceased to exist… the city formerly known as New York City is only a shell of its former self and if you missed it when it was cool you’ll die scared and alone having never eaten from the Big Apple, for now it is surely just a mushy, browning apple core.”
Now, am I saying that, yes, New York City is dead? Well, kinda.
New York City is undead, trapped in a state of soullessness between heaven and hell. Restaurants are open, but serving limited menus to tables in the street. Musicians are performing, but only the ones you don’t want to hear like DJs in parks and parked cars outside your apartment. The subway is running, just not at night. And while the most amazing, clamorous dance party bars are closed, you can still meet new people at birthday picnics and rooftop BBQs.
Yes, even now in the height of summer, when everyone is usually in the streets, this town does feel a bit ghostly. But the people here are just the same: friendly, flirty, fabulous, filthy, and forthcoming. Really, I’m surprised the Op-Ed reply to Altchur’s NYC Is Dead Forever wasn’t simply a line drawing of the middle finger. And who really gives a shit what Seinfeld thinks?
Will New York City ever be the same? Absolutely not, don’t be ridiculous. But ya know what? New York City wasn’t the same for anything longer than, say, three weeks at a time.
What’s a real bummer is how New York City has changed. This city, like most cities, has grown to cater to the rich and wealthy. The median rent in New York City has increased by 35% in the last 10 years. The median price of a Broadway show has increased by 65% in the last 10 years. And the subway fare has increased 38% since 2009. (Yes, nerds, all that is higher than the national rate of inflation at 19% over the last 10 years.)
It’s like James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem sang in the seminal dance-punk tune “North American Scum”: New York's the greatest if you get someone to pay the rent.
But whatever, man, us hipsters, we know the truth: New York City died on February 5, 2011.
But where you gonna go? I hear Paris is nice, but they all speak French there. Le sigh.